Friday, December 7, 2012

Accomplishments comes in many forms.

Accomplishment comes in many forms.

I ended that title with a period because I believe it's a statement, not necessarily a title. Each day in each of our lives, we each make our own accomplishments. Regardless of how small or even, how big, we can see a positive in ourselves.  

What a difference a year makes. The other day I had a moment of clarity, I sent my pal, Steve Corino, a text message "Hey, just wanted to thank you for helping me through the shittiest time of my life." It was random, out of the blue and his response "You're welcome". I have exposed my personal life online and on our Podcast "XOC Podcast" with the hopes that maybe it would help someone else who was struggling. My struggle came from within. I hit 40 and was a depressed mess. My family was almost lost, my life was almost lost...I had no direction.

A change needed to be made; I sat down on my laptop and wrote No Clowning Around. It was a short horror/drama film that is full of personal metaphors. Its an inner battle, a battle that I decided to stand up against. I am, in no way, any spokesperson for depression, I just realized if I wanted my life better, I needed to make it one else would do it.

The saying "What a difference a year makes" has never rang so true for me. Yesterday, I went to pick up the final edit of No Clowning Around; a movie that everyone involved, believed in, worked hard on and gave their heart too. It was a lonely hour and a half ride home as the Dvd sat on my passenger seat. It stared at me; it made me doubt myself, it made me anxious, nervous and made me feel exposed. 

I pulled up to my house and sat out front, just thinking. Thinking of the journey, I can only assume it would be like seeing the finish line of a marathon, but since I'm a lazy turd, I can only assume. I unlocked my door, walked in and of course, I had too pee, since I suffer from Old Man Bladder, but quickly gave it a shake and headed to my Dvd player. As the menu appeared, I could only feel excitement build.

I sat and watched for the next 30 minutes, enjoying something I had helped create. For many, the metaphors will go unseen, but I created this for me. It was me taking my life back. It was me taking a stand against the demons that try to poison our mind, it was that moment in my life that I will never forget.  Even as I type this, I'm teary eyed. The feeling was similar to seeing my children for the first time, it was a overwhelming mix of emotions.

As the movie progressed, I began to have tears stream down my cheeks, but for once, it wasn't because of disappointment or self doubt, it was because I was proud. It was an accomplishment. I reached a goal and no one will ever take that away from me. Sure, the movie will go unseen by many, some will think its shitty, but there will be a few that will enjoy it. I look back at this as a monumental moment in my life. People make movies everyday, people accomplish goals everyday but, it's up to YOU to recognize that moment. You have to work for it.

I am no motivational speaker, I'm only someone who stood on the edge and didn't jump. As the weekend approaches, let me encourage you - take a minute for yourself and make yourself better. Let the negativity hard, if for nothing else, for just YOU. You control your outlook on life, everyone gets in a rut, take your life back. Be the best you can be...accomplish YOUR goal today. Don't worry about the haters...they hate because they are scared to risk being successful. Success is in your heart.

Thank you to those who believed in me, you made this possible. 

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