Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Keys to Being Successful in Social Media

Keys to Being Successful in Social Media
by: Social Media Guru, Rob Dimension

In today's Social Media, between Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr and now even Klout (I have a 58 score, so I'm Influential...so listen up) it's hard to stand out, be accepted and more importantly, be heard. Never fear, as I, the Social Media Guru, Rob Dimension is here to help you gain more followers, attract more friends and not be a doucher.

Let's get things straight, Girls will always be successful online because guys are horny and have no real sense of reality. Things like photoshop, eyeliner and boobs helps their cause. As guys, we are grunts, we are slaves to our own penis. We lust women online, hoping for a follow, friend request or nip slip.

Let's get the terms NOT to use out of the way first:

Bro - for years, the term Bro was thought of as a friendly, brotherly term...well, as a Guru of the Social Media networks, I am here to tell you...it's awful. Being in the Professional Wrestling business, it's a term that is thrown around, from one to another to create this imaginary bond between each other. It does nothing. It doesn't make me like you, if anything, I makes me realize how shallow you are. I think of it as a condescending term...I loathe Bro. Do your friends, co-workers and anyone else that believes you are a smug asshole a favor...stop with the Bro. I have a fkn name..use it.

Hun - ugh...let me be the voice of reason - You will NOT get Laid calling a girl, Hun. Most Women, ok, maybe Women that have some dignity will think you're a tool for using the term Hun. If you are not 80 years old Grandmother who enjoys peanut brittle, you have NO business using the word. I have come to a conclusion, if you are a low life pervert who thinks he is above Women, this is the way you talk down to them. Have some self respect, if you use it...STOP..or if you're a female and a guy calls you that, stop them and remind them that you are not a cheap whore and they have 0 chance to get laid.

Welp - I jokingly "banned" this word on my highly intellectual podcast "The Extreme Odd Couple Podcast" found at http://www.xocpodcast.com/ but, in all sincerity I really meant it. Upon my investigation, it was supposed to shorten the word "well"...let's count letters...WELP is 4 and WELL is 4. In essence, I believe this word was handed down to as the 1st step to the downfall of mankind. Let's take a closer look; "Well, I really believe I like that shirt" does sound like you've made a decision and are sure about what you like. Now, "Welp, I really believe I like that shirt" sounds like you are 7 yrs old, live in Mayberry and possibly download kiddie porn.

Follows and Retweets!

Follows - Twitter is my social media of choice, as it makes life much easier. Facebook is clogged, glitchy and is the equivalent to what MySpace was with bands near their end. I hardly ever go on, unless someone posts on my wall, which I generally delete unless it's a compliment...(because I'm self absorbed, yet needy)

On Twitter, it's not uncommon for someone to ask "Can I get a follow?", which I usually respond with "No, but you can get a Block". While some think that's mean, I feel it's YOU, the begger, being a bit of a bully, making me feel less manly by feeling the need to give into peer pressure. Someone has to take a stand! I tend to look at my new followers (remember...I'm self absorbed) and see if they're legit, share interests and if they are Hot. Myself, I tend to follow my friends or people who I've met or even influences. Trust me, I'm no Mr. Popular but I'm content with what I have...I would be less depressed if I have 2,000 followers at the end of Feb, but I'm just being needy. Don't ask for Follows...don't be Dumb! #DUMB

Retweet - The 2nd laziest feature in Social Media...right after the "Like" button on Facebook. NEVER ask for a retweet...EVER. This throws up the red flag to all around you (unless of course, I ask for one) that you are a Turd. No one wants to be a copycat...the retweet, in the simplest form, is a blatant copy. I've been labeled a "Retweeting Whore" on occasions but I also torrent music, so my bed is made. I'm here to shed light on Social Media problems, not fix mine.

Retweet's can be fun, especially when you're offered a compliment. It allows your "friends" to see that you've fooled others. They obviously haven't read my guide or are new to Twitter. If you really want to make a statement, write a tweet..then let your friends decide if they want to retweet it. It's a new thing called Free Thinking. Hastag #RetweetWhore if your friend is guilty!

Hopefully this Guide helps your journey in Social Media Networking...Feel free to follow me @RobDimension on Twitter...don't forget to Retweet my funny shit and stop being a Doucher!

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