Thursday, October 21, 2010

The Human Centipede [The First Sequence] - I'll Follow

The Human Centipede [The First Sequence]

Reviewed by Rob Dimension

Oh boy...where do I start? I want this review to be exactly as if you and I were just talking about this...nothing to deep, nothing earth shattering...just simple fun with a movie that made Horror fans wait with batted breath for it's release. Hopefully this review is more entertaining than the second half of this film.

To me, the premise is very twisted and down right degrading. If you don't know what the Human Centipede is, let me try and explain. Imagine you, me and another chick (I will imagine that you are a girl, at least for my sanity) are on all know, hands and knees. Got it so far? Awesome. Next, imagine that your face was stuck to my "pipe hole" (my Heiney area...trying to keep it clean here) and then the other Girl had her mouth attached to your "tail pipe"...therefore, we are now connected, looking like a centipede. Sound lovely? I know...that's why all us crazy Horror fans wanted to see this....especially the first time the lead needs to "pinch a loaf".

The Movie - Honestly, this could have been a short film and I would have loved it. Cut the film when The Doctor, played by Dieter Laser, I will get to him in a minute, rejoices..."Yes, my Centipede...Walk..(kissing the mirror in tears). To me, that was the perfect ending and highly creepy. Let my mind wander about what happens next. I felt that once the Police showed up, the film lost massive steam. Instead of making it more dramatic or intense, it just dragged on. This film is all gimmick and not much story. It's a premise, a truly nasty, gross, highly entertaining premise, but still needed more. Once the Lead and Rear of the Centipede were left...umm...un-responsive, I felt tired.

(This is the obvious Jewelry choice to give to that Special Lady in your life)

The Special Effects and Gore - Surprisingly, for a film this intense and with a highly offensive subject matter, very little gore. Still some, but not as much as I would have expected. If it would have been a short film, the final scene with them connected would have been brilliant. I did see some neat effects but nothing that made me flip out. I'm a Gore-Hound but was left feeling a little like "meh..."

The Acting - I was a HUGE fan of the Doctor, Dieter Laser, in the first half of this feature. I felt that once he lingered on the screen, he just lost his control and it weakened his character. The Asian lead was ok, he really didn't do much, but what could he do? The girls were decent, I actually bought them as friends. I could believe in the way they cared for each other....if it would have been me, I would have bailed when I had the chance....but I'm a douche. In all, the Doctor is the shining star of this film...I especially enjoyed when he was giving his victims a lecture about his "proposed" centipede idea. They were all flippin' out, he still, without losing a beat, continued as if he was lecturing a class on Heart surgery. I also enjoyed his stalking and quiet method of acting.

Would I recommend it - Look, unless I truly hate a film, I rarely bash. I recommend that if you are curious, check it out. I highly recommend that you view this with a few people...the jokes and countless one liners I could think of would make this a MUST have party flick. The hype made this film have to climb uphill just too much. I will definitely check out Part 2 which is supposedly a part of a rumored Trilogy....I have a feeling this will gain some momentum and could even possibly garner an actual Theatrical release. One never CLERKS 2, you will forever have the #1 rule in your head..."You never go ass to mouth!"


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